Category Archives: Cultura

Here he is, Mr. Narcojunior

Whatever happened to the days when the narcotraficantes hauled out by masked policemen  looked like the messengers of Cucuy? This group of scaries from Sinaloa were brought on the Mexican red carpet back in October. (Check out the googlie eyes on the homeboy all the way on the bottom left.)

Now check out the latest prize capture.

Brought to you by Nordstrom Rack

Brought to you by Nordstrom Rack

Although Vicente Carrillo Leyva kinda resembles a more handsome Billy Corgan in a wig, the L.A. Times points out that the nephew of Vicente Carrillo Fuentes is part of a new wave of  narcojuniors, who usually have university degrees and have abandoned the old-timey naco fashions of their forefathers. This is the guy who has been haunting my dreams? They arrested him while he was jogging in colonia Las Lomas for chissakes. That would be like arresting the Menendez Brothers in Calabasas…uhm nevermind.

Anyway, Carillo Leyva is only the latest in a party train of Gente Bien cover -worthy drugwar associates.

Check out the GQ-esque five o’clock shadow on Vicente Zambada, son of Ismael “El Mayo”Zambada, another big dog in the Sinaloan Cartel. The younger Zambada, of course, has his own narcocorrido – it talks of him wearing a mango-colored camisa.

Then there’s Laura Zuñiga Huizar…

The former Sinaloan beauty queen with the all-encompassing title of Miss Hispanoamericana, is not a drug lord, per se, but she was arrested in Zapopan (near Guadalajara) along with her alleged boyfriend , Angel Orlando Garcia. The truck they were riding in had  AR-15 assault rifles, 38 specials, 9mm handguns, nine magazines, 633 cartridges and $53,300 which, according to the Associated Press, the couple were planning on using for a shopping spree in Colombia. Probably for some new Abercrombie and Fitch outerwear. Interestingly enough, the same article says that Mexican officials had begun investigating narco ties to beauty pageants.

So, does it make me any jumpy knowing that some of the underworld’s biggest powerbrokers spend more time at Liverpool than at the bargain bins of El Chopo? Not really, and now I’ll have to open my eyes a little wider  the next time I go out and buy a tracksuit.

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Chilangabacha Simpson

Chilangabacha Simpson

Worlds Collide!

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Tamau-bilingua -lipas

Tamaulipas is officially going bilingual! If you’re media-fresa like me, I know what you’re thinking:  but I thought ALL the bartenders in Condesa spoke English! Well, I’m talking about Tamaulipas the state, sillies, not the street where you can never find a freaking taxi.

Government officials from the northern Mexican state of Tamaulipas has announced that all of its 350,ooo public school students will learn English and therefor have the wonderful opportunity of conversing with their Texan neighbors.It’s a very noble goal, and one I’d like to see set in states in the U.S., but we’ll have to wait and see how it goes.

For the time being, this just makes me love that earnest little hatchet-shaped state even more. Oh how  I long to be in Tampico, or even Matamoros!In case you’re not aware of this tiny renegade border state here are some fascinating facts:

  • It’s home to Eduardo Verástegui, star of the so-called worst movie ever made, Chasing Papi, and general really lame guy who spoke out against California’s Prop 8 even though he’s rumored to be Ricky Martin’s ex-boyfriend.
  • It was originally called Nuevo Santander in 1746. You can remember that when you go to the bank, Nuevo Nuevo Santander.
  • Home to the namesake city of my favorite “juice,”  Tampico.
  • It’s the capital of the infamous Gulf Cartel and their armed Catherine Zeta Jones unit.

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Smiths of the Silver and Word Variety

I’m not gonna lie. I wasn’t expecting to like Taxco. I really love me some silver jewelry, but could I really base a whole 72-hour trip around looking at it?I discovered that Taxco is as good a place as any to get lost and chat up perfect strangers. The best thing I found wasn’t a scorpion belt buckle or an extravagant old lady broach, but this cool little hardware store in the middle of the cavernous tianguis.

dscn0388

"Not being loved is only a matter of luck; The real tragedy is not being able to love." Read THAT while you're buying your screws.

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Echando un Caldo de Pollo

I love you forever and ever.

I love you forever and ever.

If a Chilango (esp. one from Nessa) ever asks you if you’d like to “echar un caldo de pollo,” they’re not inquiring about your chicken soup recipe. They want to make out with you (or more). According to my sources on the street, this is a variation on the older phrase “echar un polvo,” literally “making dust,”  which means to have a quickie. I’m guessing the chicken soup version is referring to a quickie “lite,” but I could be wrong.

Since it’s perfectly acceptable to live with Mamí and Papí until you’re 37 years old, many jovenes take their make out sessions to the streets – or the metro, or in the case of this amorous pair, Chapultapec park. Most of the time they find a bench, but these guys were content with a little splendor in the grass.

I especially love it when I see a pair of teenagers slurping each other’s faces off on the metro stairs next to a dude with no legs playing the tambourine. It’s the pinnacle of Latin lovin’.

If anyone can provide clarification on this frase, please feel free to leave a Danny Tanner-like lecture in the comments. A girl (and her readers) need to know these things.

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Welcome to the Club, Alisa!

Spaniard + Indian = Mestizo

Spaniard + Indian = Mestizo Guy in background = my great-great-great-uncle Estanislau

-Yes ah, my mother and father are Mexican, but I’m from Spain.

-You’re from La Habra, Puto!

George Lopez (Right Now Right Now)

Author/blogger/screenwriter/funny lady Alisa Valdes, reported on her blog today that she recently found out she’s a Chicana, fur realz. If you’ve ever read any of her books ( The Dirty Girls’ Social Club, Make Him Work, and Playing With Boys) this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Alisa, who hails from New Mexico and has thus far considered herself to be Cuban-American because of her father, found out through researching her family tree that she can officially add another hyphen into the mix. According to family lore from her mother’s side, her great-grandmother had roots that could be traced back all the way to the Spanish royalty. Turns out, that’s not exactly the way it went down. She writes:

“I have indeed traced her family to Spain, to a wealthy young man who came to Santa Fe and married a woman from the San Ildefonso (San Yldefonso on the marriage license) pueblo. That means his wife was Native American. From that point forward, the family tree merges many times with families from Mexico City, Chiapas, and Zacatecas, as well as with “Spanish” families from Northern New Mexico. In other words, my mother’s father was Mexican, whether he liked it or not.”

Congratulations, Alisa. Your complimentary Frida Kahlo brow enhancer, George Lopez DVD collection, and “My family went to Atzlan and all I got was this pinche t-shirt” t-shirt will be arriving in the mail shortly.

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I MOCK YOU PUBLIC TRANSIT RIDER!

I MOCK YOU!This man laughs at me every time I walk to the Juanacatlan Metro. Make of it what you will.

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